I was hesitant about writing this at first, I do not want to ‘jinx’ myself. However, I am not particulaurly superstitious, so here it goes.
It has been at least a week, maybe more, since the incessant 1 a.m. to 4 or 5 a.m. crying fits. Poor Phoenix would literally cry all night, and just be plain miserable. He would be so happy in the morning, and pretty much any other time, but middle-of-the-night time. I think he would save all his baby-angst up, all day, and just let it loose those pre-dawn hours. Poor baby and poor mommy! It seems (fingers crossed!) that this stage has come and gone, and the sweet little slumbering baby is happy at last, and alls right with the world. This leads me into what has been on my mind.
It is truly incredible how bright and happy the world seems when one actually sleeps. The flowers are in technicolor, the blue skies are the most AMAZING shade of periwinkle on the face of the planet. Green grass beckons for me to lie down and roll down the hill in glee like when I was little (unfortunately I cannot do that any longer, I get horrible motion sickness and it takes the joy right out… and grass stains… there is that).
I know my girls (and Jeff) are so much happier to have nice mommy back. She cooks (and cleans up after them!), reads and talks and spends time with them. Where as sleep deprived mommy would rummage in the pantry, way, way in the back, for that forgotten box of Annies Macaroni & Cheese, figure the dishes (and laundry) would be there tomorrow, or even the next day, and nap, WHENEVER she could. In the fog I do remember my perspective. It was a lot of ‘this is not forever’, ‘this will pass’, ‘just get through this day and maybe tonight he will sleep’. It wasn’t all bad, I also got those beautiful baby smiles and cuddles, and learned that Jeff does know how to run the dishwasher (the girls also got a bonus, they got to watch movies, way more than I care to confess here).
I do know, no matter how I am looking at life… sleep deprived or wanting to roll gleefully down grassy hills, that it will work out. Things falls into place. I am doing the best I can do, with what I have, at any given moment. Sometimes it is not ‘the’ best, but it is ‘my’ best. I am not sure if Phoenix is entirely over this stage (heres to hoping!!!) but if not, we will ride it out and it will change (for better or worse), eventually. And that, is my perspective.